Despite what you may see in my “self-portrait series” on this blog, or my Instagram page, I’ve not always been comfortable with nudity or confident about my body. I know some people will think “that’s crazy, you have a great figure” but it’s inevitable at some points in everyone’s lives to feel insecure, there’s always bits and pieces we focus on and scrutinize that others may not even see. Also, in general, society always seems to relate nudity to sex and perversion. The words I hear in my head are “inappropriate” “unprofessional” “sinful” “vulgar” “dirty” “slut”. Not to mention the fact that Mexico is a religious and conservative country, most people are not very accepting of women showing skin, at least not publicly, even for art. Getting over that has been a long and challenging process.
In fact, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t still have a little shame around the subject. However, there’s always been a part of me that wants and loves to take photos of myself and I’m excited to explore that more. Artistic nude photography has interested me for a long time, both as a photographer and a model. I follow so many Instagram pages that post the most beautiful images, not to mention my Pinterest boards etc. I love the female form in all it’s beautiful shapes and sizes. In the last year or so I’ve become more and more comfortable being naked, partially because I live in a very hot country now so wearing lots of layers isn’t really ideal, especially in the summer, but also due to the fact that I’m doing more modelling. I’m looking at my body in a new way, from outside myself, as a piece of art, able to be dressed and decorated and posed in a million different ways.
I always support others using their body for art, and I want to extend that same grace to myself. I try not to let the judgement and opinions of others dictate how I live my life, but it’s hard. I don’t want to hurt or offend anyone, especially not those that I love. I don’t want to get a bad reputation. I don’t want to set a bad example for my niece and little cousins, I don’t want to teach anyone that they’re worth is tied to their looks or you have to show skin or be sexy to be successful as a woman. Equally, I don’t want to perpetuate the idea that nudity is shameful or to have to deny the part of myself that wants to express my art in this way. I want to feel free to make whatever art or take whatever photos I want. I want to celebrate my body as it is now and how it will change with time.
At this point, I don’t entirely know how to feel about it, or what I’m going to do. Maybe I’ll be struggling with this battle forever, trying to find a balance.
